Love and Dolls

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers. However, we love each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.

“I can’t”

“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.

“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till the 100th day… 200th day… Everyday before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I…

Jin: What… Don’t drag, just say...

Me: I love you.

Jin: ...You... Um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room, one by one. There were many…

Then one day my 15th year old birthday arrived. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him. Hence I stayed at home in my room and waited for his call. Lunch passed... Dinner passed… And soon the sky was dark… He still didn’t call. I was already tired from looking at the phone for the whole day. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…

Jin: Here… Take this…

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What’s this?

Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.

Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what day is today?

Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt devastated, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted…

“Wait…”

Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…

Jin: What?!

Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.

But he simply said, “I don’t want to say that I love someone so easily... If you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”

That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he… At that moment, I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I found myself stranded at home crying everyday. He didn’t call me even though I waited for his call. He continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… Everyday.

After a month, I pull myself together and went to school. But the pain resurfaced when I saw him on a street with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room. Tears fell… Why did he give these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls… In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him and this is going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn’t help hating himfor acting like nothing had happened and making a joke out of it. Soon, he held out the doll as usual to hand it over to me.

Me: I don’t need it.

Jin: What? Why?

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, he was shaking.

“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He walked over to the road to pick up the doll…

Me: You are so stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me as he squatted down and picked up the doll.

“Jin, move!” HONK~!!

“Boom!” A terrifying sound rang through the whole neighbourhood..

That’s how he left me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

Since that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and sadness of losing him.

After spending two months in despair, I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the number days when we were in love…

“One… Two… Three…” That was how I started to count the dolls…

“Four hundred and eighty four… Four hundred and eighty five…” It ended with 485 dolls.

I started to cry again with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly and then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the doll in shock.

“I…. lo..ve… you??” I picked up the doll and pressed it's stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls on their stomachs.

“I love you~”

“I love you~”

“I love you~”

Those words came out non-stop. I… love you… Why didn’t I realize that? His heart was always by my side protecting me! Why didn’t I realize that he loved me this much? I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach. That was the last doll. The one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. I recognized the voice that I was missing so much.

“Jo… Do you know what day is today? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… Since I was too shy… If you will forgive me and take this doll, I will say I love you everyday till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of my eyes. Why? Why? I asked god. Why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side but he loved me until his last minute…

For that reason… To me… It became courage… To live a beautiful life.

If you love someone, let him/her know. Live a life bravely and truthfully and you will have no regrets.

a "HATE LETTER"

Read this "HATE letter"

It is so funny and creative. This is a loveletter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship......and so..the boy wrote this letter to the girl..he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..

1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help me.
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! 

However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", 

meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers) 

So..Please try reading it again! 

It's so smart & sweet.... :)

I need you. . .

I need you. . .

I don’t need u to be here by myside,,

I don’t need u to give me so much present,,

I don’t need ur words to tell me that u love me..

All I need is ur heart,,

Ur love,,

N..ur care for me..

Do u know how much I need u??

I need u as the earth need the sunshine,,

I need u as the fish need the water,,

I need u as my body need the blood,,

That’s  all how much I need u…..

….now n forever…

 

Having a Coke With You

"Having a Coke With You"

(..by Frank O'Hara..)

is even more fun than going top San Sebastain, Irun, Hendaye,
Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in
Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better
happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love
for yoghurt
partly because of the fluoresent orange tulips around the
birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people
and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be
anything as still
as solemn as unpleasently definitive as statuary when right in
front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and
forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles
and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just
paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them
I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in
the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's
in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go
together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes
care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michaelangleo
that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the impressionists do
them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree
when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider
as carefully as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some
marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me 

which is why I'm
telling you about it.. 

I like 'tis poems so much...

Bukan cuma karena puisi ini ada di film Beastly,,

n diucapin sama si ganteng Alex Pettyfer (oouuchhh,,,he's so cute ;-))..

Bukan cuma karena judulnya yang unik...

Tapi juga karena isinya,,yang

"so simple" tapi "menghanyutkan"

Bagaimana dia memuji kekasih pujaan hatinya itu,,dengan kata2 yang biasa (g lebayy)

tapi romantizz...

N,,bagian yang paling berkesan buat aku itu adalah..

"I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in
the world"

Aku orang yang suka banget yang namanya menggambar,,melukiss,,n sejenissnyalah,,,hahaha

Tapi,,dibanding semua lukisan yang udah aku buat..

dibanding semua lukisan yang udah dibuat ma pelukis2 terkenal...

Walau betapa indahnya semua itu.,

Tapi ketika aku melihat kamu...semuanya terasa putih,,tak berwarna...

Melihat dirimu,,jauh lebih menarik daripada melihat semua lukisan2 itu...

Dan ketika mulai melihatmu,,aku tak bisa melepaskan pandanganku darimu..

Karna kau..begitu indah...

Saat menulis ini pun,,aku sedang memikirkanmu..membayangkanmu...

Karna kaulah inspirasiku...^_^

I juZ wanna say...,,I love u,,

Do u wanna have a coke with me??

missing u..............................

Introduction alias Perkenalan

Blog ini dibuat cuman buat iseng2 aja...

Cuman tempat buat ngungkapin isi hati...

juZ like its name,,

it's "juZ a note"...